4 Things to Discuss Before Getting Engaged
For many of us, being engaged means putting most (if not all) of our attention on wedding planning. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the fairy-tale aspect of wedding planning, making it easy to forget that besides planning a party, you are merging your life with your partner.
People often wonder what the magic formula is for a successful relationship and more times than not the answer is communication and you’re the relationship you have with yourself. Whether single or coupled, consider these important conversations to create a solid foundation with your significant other.
Many of us find it hard to discuss finances. It can bring up feelings of shame, embarrassment, and judgment. When talking about finances with your significant other, it is important to be gentle and move slowly.
It is okay to have a different “money personality” from your partner, and if there is something specific that you worry about in regard to finances, better to bring it up sooner than later. Curious about your partner’s credit score? Interested in joint accounts? Prenup? Do discuss. In depth. Harbouring your feelings will only lead to resentment.
We have all heard the obvious questions. Do you want children someday? If so, how many? But what about all of the other stuff that comes along with having children? Baby names and nursery decor are fun, but there’s so much more to it.
Raising a child with another person is perhaps one of the most fun and challenging adventures a couple will have together. Where couples can get into trouble is when they don’t discuss the fundamental aspects of co-parenting. Here are some important factors to consider.
· How will you afford the new addition to your family?
· What are the expectations about who will be the primary care giver for your children?
· Will they be raised under one religion?
· What do you imagine your discipline style will be?
· Public or private school?
Never forget that before baby, your partner was your one and only. How will the two of you maintain a loving connection?
How to Fight
Disagreements happen and are a normal process of being in relationship. It is how the arguments are handled that can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship. But let’s be realistic. Communicating effectively can feel impossible in the heat of the moment. It is hard to stay logical and rational when emotion sweeps in making you feel defensive and indignant.
Effective arguing takes practice and skill building to learn how to react non-defensively. It’s about learning to slow down, be less reactive, and engage in non-violent communication.
It is important for you and your partner to share your feelings about your respected jobs/careers and how you envision moving forward. Again, you can only know so much in advance, but it is a good idea to have a basic understanding of what you and your partner expect from one another.
Consider the following questions:
· Would you relocate to a new city/state for a job? Or for your partner’s job?
· What are your feelings if you are the sole breadwinner in the relationship?
· How do you feel right now about the time commitments given to your careers? How will
this look if you decide to have children?
If you’re at a point in your relationship where all of the above has been discussed and ironed out, maybe it’s time to get engaged. If you’d like to discuss your options of getting engaged, get in touch with us today.